letter to sister Anna

Waisenhauskinder 2007

Dieser Brief war an eine schwedische Hebamme gerichtet, die seit 40 Jahren in Bulongwa tätig, ist und auch das Waisenhaus aufgebaut hat. Nach einem heftigen Wortwechseln in ihrem Auto drohte sie mich hinauszuwerfen. Bei allem Respekt, musste ich ihr diesen Brief schreiben, um ihr verständlich zu machen, warum ich nicht immer ihrer Meinung war. Sie ist mittlerweile an die 75 Jahre alt, und damit wahrscheinlich auch nicht mehr dazu imstande ihre Meinung über die dortige Situation zu ändern, aber vielleicht kann sie ein bisschen verstehen …..

Dear Sister Anna, Lupaso, 31. 10. 2007

I was not happy, to leave you today with a feeling of mutual disappointment and insult.

The moment you said:” Stop telling lies or I will throw you out of my car!”, I felt like saying: “Ok, set me on the road because, I’M NOT TELLING LIES”. I had to justify. I know it pains you what was happening but even for me it’s painful.

I think it’s very difficult to discover lies here. The truth you can maybe just find in yourself. And our discussion does not mean, that we, or better I do not appreciate your work and love for the people. (maybe it was more the opposite, you never appreciated mine)

I,m much younger and unexperienced than you, the next generation. But a few things I can tell:

Environment and people are changing- movement is development. The new generation is demanding, protesting against unfair treatment, harassment, embezzlement, discrimination, crimes…….it’s a revolution!!

This is how it was happening all over in Europe decades ago, and now women are wearing trousers and children get educated in a way that they speak out what is in their mind, to be independent and self reliable.

Sometimes it’s good to use lobbying for solving problems in a community, sometimes it’s force. Jackson Mbogela and PIUMA decided those days to use force because the other way was not successful. What was the revolution in Europe all about?

It was force used by despaired citizens.

Europe’s big, fat bishops in the 19^th century and before, who were eating the money of the poor and burning witches, they would not have come down and apologized:

”Oh, sorry, we think we made a mistake because of our high position.” And it’s the same here. No big man or woman who steals a few petty million Euro, would confess that, do you think?

You lived here almost your lifetime and I have the feeling, that you are already a mkinga yourself.

The difference to the most of the wakinga people who steal and lie (I do not say that all wakinga do that), is, that you have a big heart and you know what love is.

You opened your heart for them and they received thankful your love and help in all ways.

Many people here grew old with you. You know them since they were baby’s, loved them and gave them everything for what they are now. But some of them used you and lied to you, you gave them a finger, they took the whole hand.

Maybe seeing them failing, you see yourself failing?

Maybe you closed and still close your eyes, because you don’t want to see your baby’s for whose you invested soo much, doing bad things……?

And if someone is criticising and accusing them, you might feel that they are accusing you, because you raised them up and you gave them work.

I give you one example:

I love my mother a lot and she thought me how important it is, to be honest and faithful. But still I went as little girl to the shop to steal sweets. I was feeling very bad, but I couldn’t tell anybody. Doing it again and again, you get used to and one day the bad feeling disappears. And so it’s not getting told.

Do you understand?

We are NOT criticizing you, it’s a fact, that there was money stolen, that there were expired drugs given to patients. If you would just one’s let yourself down to listen to Jackson Mbogela or an action-taking PIUMA- member, maybe it would open your mind? Edvin, the journalist was actually coming to film and talk to the people who are walking many kilometres to the hospital. But when he saw the patients with expired drugs, he filmed it. So he had evidences and was arrested after the visit of Lowassa, the case of expired drugs disappeared and was turned into a private case of Edvin to keep it as a secret.

It was not Jackson who told the Prime Minister Lowassa about the expired drugs, it were the PIUMA’s. Listen to them, not only to the hospital. Then make up your mind. I know this crises must be hurting and insulting you a lot, even this letter. Do you know what you are investing for, if you give more money to the hospital? I do not know.

People here stole from me and lied to me as well. I was like a little girl and did not know. I expected all the people to be good, but they are not…..

I suspected someone who stole the money, which I was supposed to leave to the orphanage. So people pointed with the finger on me:” This mzungu is bad, because she wants to accuse and lock up us poor people.”

They made me feeling sorry for loving and trusting. I’m shure you know how that feels.

Now, today, everyone tells me that I was right. What I learned was: If you stay quiet, they are happy and next time they will take more from you.

And the one who demands right and complains about lies and stolen money, gets in big trouble and they will make him to be the thief himself.

Nowadays I’m very careful, and there are very few people I trust.

You said: “They try hard now in the hospital.” Yes, might be, but why now? After a big boom, why not before?

I want to give you another example:

There is a man, who has a cat to catch mice. He is caring and feeding her all day long. So the cat stops to catch mice because she grows too fat and lazy, and just sleeps. But when he gets out of the kitchen, the cat will jump on the table and eat the sausage from his plate.

DOES THIS MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?

Do the names like Anna Ligate, Harry and Asiviwe tell you something? If not, I can tell you what they mean to me. And I have proved examples out of my own experiences.

Do you think the 12 big people from Makete district have been arrested for chewing chuddy? Do you still believe it was just a bad intentioned target of Jackson Mbogela to destroy everything?

Someone who is cleaning out the dirt under the carpet, is a dirty person in your eyes, so Mbogela, so Dr. Rainer, so PIUMA, so me!

Someone who sleeps well on a carpet with dirt under it, is a clean, good person? If it is like that, you are right about everything and we failed.

But what do you think, which carpet would god choose? The clean or the dirty one?

I believe in god and I believe in the universe. I’m sure that god let all this things happen to make us learn, to make us aware.

I know some missions which are collecting money under names of persons who are not present, or under names of projects, which never were existing. Is this in the name of god? Is it fair telling even lies to the donors?

We are NOT talking without facts, evidences or witnesses and we are NOT on purpose ruining the hospital and searching for mistakes. People who are working or were working in with PIUMA from abroad or farther places in Tanzania, would earn at any other place more than the double within much better conditions.

Do you seriously think they stay or stayed here just for fun of destroying? They are and were here because they love the people and they want them to live in fair conditions.

When mistakes risk peoples life, we can not stay quiet, like many others do.

Forgiving is good, but consequences are sometimes better.

As I said, I am very young and maybe you believe, that I do not even have to right to write a letter like this to you. Maybe we never come together in this life, but at the end, we all want the same. We want that people live, that they live in good conditions and are happy. Have equal rights for treatment end education. At the end of the way, maybe in the target, we will meet, understand and thank each other. Maybe we will even smile.

All the best, many greetings,

Sincerely,

Elisabeth Zenz